This was an email from a young man with a question for us here:

"I've only met one Witness in my life, so I have no source of advice other than online to ask for guidance. I met that Witness a little over a year and a half ago online. A month later, we became a couple. She didn't tell me she was a Witness until about half a year into the relationship.

I had concerns before, mainly because her tone almost sounded like she was selling the faith to me. Still, I was open to the idea of... at least tolerating it. Supporting her in her quest to give her life in service and succeeding where her biological sisters had failed.

Two months ago she started having periodic... I dislike the word episode because of the connotation but that's kind of what they were. She wanted to be baptized before she was 20 (we're 17 and 18 now), and she would become depressive, asking that I break up with her because I was in the way of her goals. I promised to improve myself, learning Spanish so I may better communicate with her parents and taking a more active role in becoming a Witness myself. The next day, all was just as it had been before.

These episodes continued every so often, cycles varying between a day and a few weeks. I would try to assure her of my commitment. It became increasingly difficult, and yesterday we broke up because I realized how vehemently opposed my parents were to what my mother called "cults". I had never told her that my girlfriend was a Witness specifically, but I suspect she was reading my browser history.

We still love each other, and have difficulty determining what is or isnt appropriate now that she and I are no longer a couple. We feel that it's impossible for us to continue further solely because one of us would have to give up essentially his/her entire life, ambitions, family, everything to be with the other. That's not healthy. So we broke up.

We still have feelings for each other, and we mention when we need to purposefully hold ourselves back from being affectionate when we text. I guess after my long story here, all I'm looking for is outside advice on how to continue. I'm moving into my college on Saturday, and I know college is generally discouraged as it takes away from time that could be used on Jehovah. Before we broke up yesterday it had been my plan to attend a meeting Tuesday night (transportation makes Sunday meetings too difficult).

Is there any way I can save us? Right now we're in a sort of limbo where we're more than friends but not a couple. How can I avoid my family's ire, and stay out of the way of her goals? Is it possible for us to be together at all given the circumstances, short of me joining the faith? Is it's impossible, how can we alleviate the pain of having someone we love be just out of reach? I feel like I wouldn't be able to live a happy life without her being in it, and I'm hopeful she may continue to be my friend at least, but I worry about tension.

Thank you for reading. I guess I want this to be posted as an anonymous thread of something, seeing as I'll likely have no use for my account afterwards anyways.

-Minou"

 

Minou,

There are a couple things I would offer in suggestion for you to consider. First, supporting Gods kingdom is a personal matter, not one that you should be including into trying to save a relationship. If your interested in learning more about the Bible because of a girl, your relationship will never work, because one day that will come to a head. As well, a personal decision to serve Gods kingdom is one you need to make between you and God, without your families opinions involved, or a girls. You and you alone must make your choice in life as to Spirituality, and let no one tell you how you can or can not believe. Both your parents are wrong for telling you what to believe, and your girlfriend is wrong in making you go to meetings for her.

My suggestion for you is to concentrate on what you want to do, without concern for others opinions. Think positive, think in the way you wish to live. This universe has a way of giving you what you already believe you have. If you want something or wish for something, that's what you will always be doing, you will always be wishing for more. However, if you believe you already have what you want, and live as though you've already accomplished your goals, you will have exactly what you believe. We are what we allow our minds to dwell on...

More important then becoming a Jehovah's Witness is what's in your heart. If you go to a meeting, but are doing it because of a girl, of what use is your time, and effort? You will not be able to please everyone in this world, you must make your own choices and expect others to respect you for them, or they don't deserve your time. For an example, if you choose to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses, your parents better support you or they don't have to be in your life. If you choose to not be one of Jehovah's Witnesses then your girlfriend should respect you, or she doesn't really care for you as she should. You see, you need to take control of your own destiny, because no one else will be able to, or should. They will try, but only if you let them. Stand up for yourself as to your beliefs, no one has the right to tell you how to believe, and you should tell them that.

Mathew, however, even after saying all of that, God is real. I suggest you speak to him. Go to a room in the middle of the day, get on your knees and speak out loud to him, and believe. Out of everything you wrote, it is my opinion this is the most important change you can make, and should do so on a regular basis. What you decide to do beyond that is your choice, but my dear friend, believe!

As for people telling you what they expect you to do, they aren't going to hold your hand through life, so take control of your own life and don't let others dictate what you believe. No matter who they are!

AJ