How to be a better spouse...

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Utuna, Apr 2, 2015.

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    Tsaphah

    Tsaphah Experienced Member

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    “Love covers a multitude of sins.†1 Pe 4:8 NLT

    LEARNING TO OVERLOOK THE FLAWS


    A person’s sense of self-worth is often based on the reactions, positive or negative, of those around them. So your words and attitudes can literally build them up or tear them down. Dr. Paul Brand was a flight surgeon during World War II. He tells in one of his books of a man named Peter Foster, who was a Royal Air Force pilot. Foster flew a Hurricane, which was a fighter with a design flaw: The single-propeller engine was mounted in the front, and the fuel lines ran past the cockpit. In a direct hit, the pilot would instantly be engulfed in flames before he could eject. The consequences were often tragic. Some RAF pilots caught in that inferno would undergo ten or twenty surgeries to reconstruct their faces. Peter Foster was one of those downed pilots whose face was burned beyond recognition. But Foster had the support of his family and the love of his fiancee. She assured him that nothing had changed except a few millimeters of skin. Two years later they were married. Foster said of his wife, “She became my mirror. She gave me a new image of myself. When I look at her, she gives me a warm, loving smile that tells me I’m okay.†Your marriage, and other valued relationships in your life, ought to work that same way too-even when disfigurement has not occurred. It should be like a mutual admiration society that builds each other’s self-esteem, and overlooks flaws that could otherwise be destructive. And there’s a Biblical word for this kind of commitment: It’s called love.
    © Celebration Inc. 2015

    The full sentence written by Peter says, “Above all things, have intense love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.†(NWT) “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.†(NIV) The Greek word translated as intense, deeply, fervent, is ektenes (ek-ten-ace') having the meaning of stretching out. That’s what is sometimes required with certain circumstances. You have to stretch a bit in order to show love for another. You have to “give a littleâ€.

    [video=youtube;gC98L-kERKY]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gC98L-kERKY[/video]

     
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    wallflower

    wallflower Moderator

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    Very nice thread. :D

    (Catching up on my reading.)
     
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    Utuna

    Utuna Member

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    I'm glad that you liked it. I had many details and further "explanations" to add but I have been so busy lately.... I'm so sorry.

    Said details and explanations are just personal conclusions I reached due to personal mishaps, so to speak. To anyone being interested in such topics, please I'm glad to have showed you one way to it among many other ways and, by all means, make your own research for yourself about what matters the most to you in that regard.

    :)
     
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    SingleCell

    SingleCell Experienced Member

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    Spouse love is refinement towards 'agape' -- if anyone recalls the study this week :)

    It ain't easy!
     
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    Tsaphah

    Tsaphah Experienced Member

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    “Humans must not pull apart what God has put together.â€￾ Mk 10:9 CEB

    STAYING WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE LEAVING (1)

    Not every relationship can be saved. When physical, mental, or emotional abuse threatens your child’s safety, or your own, you may be forced to leave. Failing to do so could lead to tragedy. But where a workable resolution can be found, a troubled relationship can become a source of shared joy and fulfillment. Here are some keys to make staying worthwhile: Adopt God’s perspective on sin-yours and your spouse’s. One of the major problems is the way we classify sin—especially our partner’s. You’re understandably overwrought and anxious because they’re incorrigible and selfish. They’re the willful sinner you’re the offended saint. They need a major overhaul, and you’re responsible to see they get it. Things like being critical, nagging, and controlling seem like small things compared to a spouse who swears, drinks, and visits porn sites. From God’s perspective, sin is sin yours and theirs! It’s all harmful to relationships. Stop “classifying sin and try to discover the relationship-transforming power of handling the situation the way Jesus taught. “How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eyeâ€￾ (Mt 7:4-5 NIV). You’ll be amazed at how God will cause your spouse to acknowledge and deal with “theirâ€￾ problem when you get honest and deal with “yoursâ€￾!

    “In order that Satan might not outwit us.â€￾ 2 Co 2:11 NIV

    STAYING WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE LEAVING (2)

    Recognize who the real enemy of your marriage is. On those days when you think, “I can’t spend another moment in this relationship,â€￾ it’s easy to lose perspective and focus on the wrong things. Marriage was God’s idea. He planned it as the foundation of His earthly kingdom. That makes marriage one of Satan’s prime targets. It’s why he poisoned the perspective and confused the thinking of the first couple. He deceived Adam into believing that Eve was his problem, blaming the fiasco on her (See Ge 3:12). But both of them were deceived by “the father of liesâ€￾ (Jn 8:44 NLT). Satan knew he could undermine God’s plan by driving a wedge between the first couple, creating antagonism, blame, and self-interest. And his methods haven’t changed. It’s why we “keep tabsâ€￾ on each other’s shortcomings, identifying our mate as the problem and refusing to show grace. Paul helps us understand how to overcome Satan’s strategy. “I have forgiven in the sight of Christ. . .in order that Satan might not outwit us. . .we are not unaware of his schemesâ€￾ (2 Co 2:10-11 NIV). Then he counsels us further by saying that “love. . .doesn’t keep score of the sins of othersâ€￾ (1 Co 13:4-5 TM). That doesn’t mean love lives in denial, but that it chooses to practice self-denial! So rather than keeping score of your spouse’s worst qualities, choose to look for their best ones and show your appreciation. Nothing melts resentment and hardness like expressing appreciation for each other.

    “Pray then like this. . .your will be done.â€￾ Mt 6:9-10 ESV

    STAYING WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE LEAVING (3)

    Here are another two helpful keys to resolving marriage conflict: (1) Let God direct your prayers. Prayer can be closed-ended or open-ended. When we think that our perspective is the only accurate one, we pray closed-ended prayers calling on God to solve the problem our way, believing it’s the only correct way. But closed-ended praying produces two problems. First, it locks us into rigid thinking and blinds us to other perspectives. Second, it keeps us from seeing Cod’s perspective, the one that can heal and restore the relationship. Open-ended praying asks God to solve the problem His way. “Pray then like this. . .your will be done.â€￾ Ask God to reveal His will to you both, wait until He does, then pray accordingly. The Bible says: This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us. . .we know that we have what we asked of him’ (1 Jn 5:14-15 NIV). (2) Remove the conditions from your love. Sound difficult? Love is a biblical command, not an arbitrary emotion. God’s not asking you to feel warm and fuzzy, He’s asking you to act in a loving way. Wouldn’t that be hypocritical? No, it’s rising above resentment, hurt, and fear, and practicing real faith. It means asking yourself: “If I were loving unconditionally right now, what would I be doing? How would I be responding to my spouse?â€￾ Then do it. The Bible says, “Love never failsâ€￾ (1 Co 13:8 NIV). You can lovingly act your way into a new way of feeling for both you and your spouse.

    “Pile your troubles on God’s shoulders.â€￾ Ps 55:22 TM


    STAYING WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE LEAVING (4)


    Give your marriage to God. The last word on the matter must be God’s Word! Seeking professional help is a good thing. But until you’ve transferred ownership of your marriage into God’s hands, you haven’t exercised your best option. You say, “What does handing my marriage over to God mean in practical terms?â€￾ It means two things: (1) You stop calling the shots—that’s God’s job. And you must get out of His way so that He can do His work unhindered. Your self-interest and need to control must bow to His will. As long as you insist on “being rightâ€￾ and “straightening outâ€￾ your spouse, you will remain part of the problem. On the other hand, when you give the problem to God, He—not you—has the problem to work on! (2) You learn how to “walk by faith, not by sightâ€￾ (2 Co 5:7). When things feel out of control you will want to resume ownership of the problem. Don’t do it, or the result will be more of what doesn’t work. Renew your decision to allow God to have control and work in both of your hearts. “Walk by faith,â€￾ not by feelings. The Psalmist puts it this way: “Pile your troubles on God’s shoulders-he’ll carry your load, he’ll help you out.â€￾ When you trust God to handle it, three things happen: (a) You experience peace; (b) your partner’s resistance will likely diminish because you’re no longer stirring the pot; (c) God goes to work: “He who began a good work in you [both] will bring it to completionâ€￾ (Php 1:6 ESV).


    © Celebration Inc. 2015
     
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    Utuna

    Utuna Member

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    A beautifully illustrated reason why we mustn't take secondary emotions at face value... :)



    Ending words : Whether we are gifted with intelligence or not, we all need the same thing, that someone saves and loves us for real !
     
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    Tsaphah

    Tsaphah Experienced Member

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    “Speak the truth in love.†Eph 4:15 NLT

    SPEAK THE TRUTH IN LOVE


    Even in a great relationship, you will have disagreements. That's why you need to learn to fight fair. Paul addresses it this way: “Speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ.†If you grew up in a home filled with tension and angry words, you may find yourself trying to avoid argument at any cost. But silence doesn’t solve problems, it just allows them to become unspoken wedges between you. What should you do? First, try to understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy conflict. In an unstable marriage, hostility is aimed at your partners soft underbelly with comments like, “You never do anything right!†and “Why did I marry you in the first place?†and “You’re getting more like your mother every day!†Such remarks strike at the very heart of your mate’s self-worth. Healthy conflict, by contrast, remains focused on the issues that cause disagreement. For example: “It upsets me when you don’t tell me you’re going to be late for dinner, or “I was embarrassed when you made me look foolish at the party last night.†Can you hear the difference? Even though the two approaches may be equally contentious, the first assaults the dignity of your partner while the second addresses the source of conflict. When you learn to make this important distinction, you can work through your disagreements without wounding and insulting each other. Plus, when gaining the upper hand leaves your partner feeling wounded and upset, you both lose. Bottom line: When someone feels loved and valued, they’re generally more open and receptive to what you have to say. © Celebration Inc. 2015

     
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    Tsaphah

    Tsaphah Experienced Member

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    “Be careful not to fall.†1 Co 10:12 CEV

    AFFAIR-PROOF YOUR RELATIONSHIP


    Most people don’t plan on getting into an affair. They just happened to be with the wrong person, at the wrong time, in the wrong frame of mind. The Bible plainly warns, “Even if you think you can stand up to temptation, be careful not to fall.†When you think, “It couldn’t happen to me,†you’re a target for Satan! So how can you affair-proof your marriage? By consistent communication. (1) Communicate regularly with God. Jesus said, “When you pray, [say]. . .Give us this day our daily bread†(Mt 6:7,11 NKJV). Daily communication with God arms you against marital mischief. He also knew you’d need to pray together. “Our Father. . .Give us. . .forgive us our sins†(vv. 9-12 NLT) assumes we’re needy people praying together. Couples praying together are harder to pry apart. (2) Communicate faithfully with God’s Word. Books about marriage can inform you, but only the Bible, God’s marriage manual, has the power to transform your life together. Shared Bible reading illuminates your understanding; it exposes, sensitizes, and purifies your hearts’ intentions; it safeguards your relationship. (3) Communicate openly with each other. Build “relationship hedges†s0 that temptation doesn’t get a foothold. Establish sensible guidelines for interacting with the opposite sex. Be open and honest with each other about your social, workplace, and church relationships. Anything that makes your partner uncomfortable should be noted, and where possible changed. Next to God, you are each others best protection against failure. So, listen, learn, and love!

    © Celebration Inc. 2015
     
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    Utuna

    Utuna Member

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    Beautiful video about marriage and undying love....

     
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    Thinking

    Thinking Guest





    Very interesting.
     
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    Poetry of Providence

    Poetry of Providence Active Member

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    I think it's going to be awhile before I get to those youtubes .
    I might have to put them on a list for later ..I've taken four
    of the "Great Courses" of the World and am planning on doing
    several more , since the local library has a three page both
    sides list of them ..."Lost Christianities" earliest sects and the
    battle of authentication of the scriptures was interesting .Am
    now doing the "Ancient empires before Alexander" (three sets)
    and the "Creative thinkers tool kit" ..so I've been a little busy
    these sunny days ...but have enjoyed this thread as I believe
    you all pretty know I'm in love with love ..snicker snicker
     
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    SingleCell

    SingleCell Experienced Member

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    I love the Great Courses PoP!

    Science from the Antiquities was awesome as well.
     
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    Utuna

    Utuna Member

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    Four years ago this very day, I was the happiest man on earth....

    I don't regret my decision, no matter what happened later.

    J'aurai vécu d'avoir frôlé ta peau.
     
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    Poetry of Providence

    Poetry of Providence Active Member

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    I'm glad you do SC ..This week trying to finish "The creative
    Thinkers Tool Kit" ...It's has stretched my ability to see just
    how I was just a little automaton in my thinking among
    Witnesses , rather than opening possibilities of a life more
    abundant was I was caged and locked to the decisions
    made by others and how "they viewed" my life should be ..
    My morality being called into question every time I turned
    around if I disagreed with a perspective I don't hold. My
    morality is constantly under my own scrutiny enough ..
    I love learning ..always have ...but find it must be what I
    love . not what another thinks I should love ..Those who
    have acquired Gods approval have lived in all walks of
    life ...I always thought it strange , all the newby witnesses
    giving up their careers and going janitor ...cause you have
    access to more people and ranges if you have remain where
    you were highly trained ...even King David and Solomon had
    men singers , women singers , certainly many professions
    give a greater access to persons with like interests who
    might find "truth" to be attractive ...just like learning .
     
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    Tsaphah

    Tsaphah Experienced Member

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    “Husbands. . .be considerate.†1 Pe 3:7 NIV

    “Wives. . .be. . .worthy of respect.†1 Ti 3:11 NIV


    STRENGTHEN YOUR MARRIAGE

    A couple celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary was asked the secret to their success. The husband replied, “The day we got married we agreed that if an argument arose I’d go out and stand on the porch until I cooled off. And it worked like a charm; fifty years of being outdoors in all that fresh air was exactly what this relationship needed!†If you’ve been spending too much time out on the porch, here are three ways to strengthen your marriage: (1) Commitment -â€You’re first.†Speaking those words on special occasions is easy, but you need to speak them seven days a week. A movie star who’d been through several failed marriages told an interviewer, “I’ve given up trying to find the right person. Now I’m working at becoming the right person.†That formula always works! (2) Concern- “What do you need?†Husbands and wives are as different as chalk and cheese. And to complicate things further, their needs change according to the season of life they’re in. So when you ask, “How are you today?†slow down and listen. Your wife may not want you to solve the problem, but to share it Closeness in marriage isn’t an accident. It’s a decision you make, and keep making every day. (3) Coping-â€We can work it out.†Marriage may alleviate the problem of loneliness, but it presents the challenge of getting along with another person. It teaches you that you can’t always avoid conflict, but you can make it work for you. The truth is, unless there are two winners in a marriage, there are none at all. © 2015 Celebration Inc.
    _______________________________
    We will be celebrating our 55th in December. I recognized her qualities the first time I met her. That was when I decided that I would marry her. She didn’t think so! She didn’t tell me until later, that she thought I was arrogant and boisterous. I was a military man from a big city. She was a small town girl. But, it took me a while of being persistent to win her over. We’ve been through a lot together. We’ve had our good times and bad times. Our ups and downs. It was the Bible teachings that have helped us to remain connected. We use all three of the ways to strengthen our marriage. They are never easy, it takes constant commitment and work to make it happen. When you have two strong personalities bumping into each other, you have to learn when to give and when to take, and, in what manner to do each.
     
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    Londoner

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    Hi Utuna :)

    Being privileged to know "what happened later", what you've just said is beautiful.

    Londoner
     
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    SingleCell

    SingleCell Experienced Member

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    Where is Mr tuna these days? I miss the chap.
     
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    Joshuastone7

    Joshuastone7 Administrator Staff Member

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    He's gone and joined the American creationist movements in proving a young earth... :D
     
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    SingleCell

    SingleCell Experienced Member

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    LOL
     
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    wallflower

    wallflower Moderator

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    Giggle! :D My guess is that he's locked inside an astronomy observatory building. :D
     

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